Reasons Why My Sister’s A Skanky Ho
By: spoiledsquish
Author’s Note: This is just a mindless fic drawn from my disturbing mind one afternoon. Don’t ask where it came from, and please, just go with it. It may suck, but who gives a damn?
Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘em, so don’t ask me to sign a contract.
Distribution: If for some god-awful reason you want this on your site, take it. Just ask my permission first if you aren’t one of my usual hostesses.
Summary: Buffy has an argument with Dawn and learns that her little sister is not all naïve and innocent.
Pairing: Buffy/Riley, Implications of Buffy/Angel & Buffy/Spike, with a little Buffy/Dawn sister bonding.
Rating: PG-13 for some naughty language.
Spoilers: None; AR-ish, cuz Dawn is fifteen, Joyce is dead, and Buffy is still dating Riley.
Dedication: To Lez & Stocie for their unyielding support, laughter, and for always making my day.
“Dawn!” Buffy screeched as she barged into her sister’s room. “What did you do with my hairspray?”
“I didn’t touch it! Maybe you need to go ask that boy of yours. What was his name again, Friley?” Dawn taunted her. “Or maybe Spike stole it when he raided your pantie drawer the other day.”
“First off, his name is Riley so stop being a moron. Secondly, Spike went through my pantie drawer, and you knew about this?” Buffy scoffed.
“Of course I knew. I let him inside the house so he could.” At Buffy’s angered look, Dawn continued, “He just seemed so enthused about it. Who am I to turn an obsessive swoony vamp down?”
“You’re such a…”
“Moron, idiot, retard?” Dawn giggled and winked. “Take your pick, big sister.”
“I could kill you.” She seethed.
“That would put a kink in your ‘I’m-better-than-Faith-cuz-I-haven’t-murdered-anyone’ plan, wouldn’t it?” Dawn gleamed.
“You’re the most rambunctious teenager I’ve ever met.” Buffy muttered.
“And you’re the most idiotic big sister I’ve ever met.” Dawn smirked. “I mean, take your relationship with Farmboy for example. He treats you like the little Suzy Homemaker, and yet when he’s not around, you act like the world doesn’t revolve without him in it. It’s disturbing. This is a lot worse than your Angelus-In-Leather-Pants fantasy.”
“How did you--” Buffy motioned for her to stop talking. “You went through my diary?”
“Eons ago, yeah.” Dawn recalled. “My favorite line was, Even though I’m vehemently against screwing evil soulless beings, he’s still got my Angel inside. What I wouldn’t give for him to stick his engorged member up my----”
“Okay, please don’t finish that sentence.” Buffy yelled. “I can’t believe you read that stuff. You’re fifteen, Dawn! Those are my private thoughts and entries and not stuff young women should be reading.”
“Hey, I’m not the one who wrote smutty thoughts and feelings about my vampire boyfriend when I was still underage, and ewww, by the way. You really shouldn’t write lusty adult thoughts like that! Besides, if you didn’t want me to see it, you really should come up with a better hiding spot. I mean, who leaves their diary in their desk drawer. I would think that being the Slayer and all, you’d come up with something a tad more creative.”
“Why can’t you just be a normal teenager and mind your own business?” Buffy grunted in disgust.
“Well, I don’t think that being the sister’s Slayer classifies as anywhere close to normal, Buffy.” Dawn smirked. “So, what are you going to do about Spike? I saw him smelling your thong and while it was very disturbing, his morbid obsession with you is kinda sweet.”
“He’s a cold blooded killer. There’s nothing sweet about it.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “Or did you forget that he tried to kill our family?”
“No, I remember quite well.” Dawn giggled. “We had cocoa with mini marshmallows that night. He told us of his love for Dru, the homicidal freak. Did you know he has this scar above his left eyebrow. I asked him about it then, and he got all non verbal on me. I think it was from some dark secret in his past that he’s quite possibly ashamed of. I mean, after murdering thousands of people, what could you possibly be ashamed of?”
“Would you just shut up about Spike for one second?” Buffy muttered, searching around for her lucky stake. “Christ, enough already!”
“Why are you so keen on keeping his name out of this house?” Dawn chuckled. “You know, I read the entry after you first met him that night at the Bronze. You thought he was sexy, with his lilty British accent and peroxide hair. You sure like them vampires, don’t you?”
“When I get home, I’m gonna…”
“Ground me? Cuz that would be cool.” She smiled.
“I’m calling Willow. She can come watch after you.”
“I’m freakin’ fifteen years old! I don’t need a babysitter. Besides, all she does is whine and talk about Tara. I mean, I love the two of them, but the whole lesbian thing gets a bit old. Don’t even get me started on those PDA’s that I’ve been privy to!” Dawn sighed. “Where are you going?”
“I have some unfinished business.” Buffy shook her head.
“So, I assume you’re going to tell Spike to go to Hell then?”
“No, I’m going to stake him.” Buffy remarked furiously.
“I hope you’re gonna ask for your thong back first!” Dawn taunted as Buffy rushed out the door.
-Fin.