Buffy waited silently in the lobby of the Hyperion for her lover. Cordelia had promised her that the whole ‘human for a few hours’ ritual was supposed to be done by the time Angel got back from the cemetery.
It was now 7:33.
No sign of Angel and no feeling of humanity.
Buffy had just about had enough when she felt someone enter the Hyperion from behind her….
“I’ve been waiting for you.” she smiled and turned around.
What she got was none other than…
“Wesley.” Buffy spoke his name.
“Buffy.” Wesley nodded sadly.
“You can see me?” she asked.
“In the flesh.” he told her. “I thought you died.”
“I did. Still am.” Buffy replied. “I came to say goodbye….to Angel. Have you seen him?”
“He’s at the graveyard.” Wesley remarked. “Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean it hurts any less.”
“I know…” Buffy sighed, looking down at the ground. “How’s Fred?”
“I wouldn’t know…” Wesley told her. “She quit Wolfram and Hart today…She’s leaving Los Angeles, Buffy.”
“What?!” Buffy shook her head. “No. NO. That wasn’t the plan. It wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“It did.” Wesley told her. “Maybe it was better…before. If Fred had never come back, if Illyria had stayed…”
“No, Wesley…” Buffy shook her head. “That’s not…”
“True? I think it is…” Wesley argued. “She’s not the same, you know? She’s more reserved….She wasn’t like that before.”
“Fred’s got…a lot going on right now, inside her head.” Buffy told him. “She’ll be all right, Wesley. Trust me…She just…She needs time, you know? To sort through everything. She was gone, Wesley. I don’t think that’s something you ever fully recover from. I know I didn’t.”
“Why didn’t you?” Wesley asked as Buffy sat down next to him on the sofa.
“Being in heaven…” Buffy sighed. “It’s not something you can ever forget, Wesley. It’s peaceful, true happiness in the fullest sense of the word. There’s nothing bad there, nothing to worry about…It’s a perfect place...Fred was there, Wesley. And she was torn out of there…by me. I was selfish and stupid. I just wanted to end it all…The pain, the not knowing if you were going to survive the week, let alone the same day…I didn’t want to live the rest of my life in fear of that, you know? I couldn’t tell Angel…He wouldn’t have accepted it. You know that, Wesley. He would have wasted his time searching for a cure that just isn’t there. He had and still does have more important things to worry about. His impending humanity, for one thing.”
“So, it’s true?” Wesley’s eyes went wide. “Angel will be the vampire to Shanshu?”
“It’s always been that way, Wes. Long before Spike ever came along. If Angel keeps on fighting, then he will Shanshu. If not…then the prophecy will remain until he finishes his quest.” Buffy smiled. “Spike was never in the running, Wesley. He came back because Lindsey McDonald wanted to see Angel suffer, and he thought the best way to do that was to make Spike come back. He figured Spike and I would meet up. There’s just one thing Lindsey never factored into that scenario…I don’t love Spike. Not in that way. I never did. He was just a cold body to get me through the long nights.” Buffy admitted and stood up. “Things will work out, Wesley. You’ll see. Everything always works out.”
She moves to walk out the door and looks back to Wesley.
“Buffy?” he asked.
“Yeah?” she replied.
“Are you an angel?” he questioned.
“Maybe.” Buffy chuckled. “Or maybe I’m just a woman who wants to do right by those that she cares about. Goodbye, Wesley Wyndham Pryce.”
***
//I wanted you to know
I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away//
Buffy found Angel sitting on the ground next to her grave. Buffy knew that stance of his. He was brooding…grieving in his own way. He didn’t even feel her sit next to him.
“Someone once told me that grieving is a part of life, and that to begin healing for someone you’ve lost you have to grieve for them first. So…why can’t you do that now, hmm?” Buffy asked him.
//I keep your photograph
I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain//
“You’re dead.” Angel shook his head.
“Very much so.” Buffy agreed, nodding her head. “I can’t find any peace yet. The reason being because you can’t let go. I need you to let go, Angel.”
“I can’t.” Angel shook his head. “I can’t ever let go.”
“I’m not asking you to forget, Angel. I need you to heal. You have to grieve, Angel. You can’t fight what’s to come if your focus is elsewhere. You’re our strongest warrior, you know?” Buffy sighed when he said nothing. “I know you feel betrayed…”
//'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel light when you're gone away//
“Betrayed?!” he turned to look her in the eye. “You think I feel betrayed, Buffy? I feel betrayed, hurt, angry. You decided to commit yourself to death, and didn’t even see fit to tell me.”
“It wasn’t your decision. It was my life, Angel. Mine. I didn’t choose to get this gig, I didn’t choose to fall in love with you, and I sure as Hell didn’t choose to get brain cancer…You made many decisions without my input, and so I chose to do the same, you know?” Buffy explained. “I don’t expect you to understand, Angel. I’m quite sure that you won’t. I just needed you to hear it from me. You don’t need me here to help you fight. You never did. You just needed a reason to believe in yourself, and for you to witness your own potential.”
//The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
There's so much left to learn & no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high & steal your pain//
“I need you here.” Angel stated, grasping at anything to get her to stay.
“Don’t make this hard, Angel.” Buffy sighed. “I'm just on a different road... and this is my off-ramp. The Powers That Be owed me one, and I didn't waste it. I got my guy back on track. That’s all that really matters here.”
//'Cause I’m broken when im open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you're gone away
'Cause I’m broken when im open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough//
“Buffy…” Angel cried.
“We take what we can get, champ, and we do our best with it. I'll be seeing you.” She told him and disappeared. “I’ll always be with you. Forever and always.”
Angel whispered, “Goodbye Buffy Anne Summers. I love you. Forever and always.”
//'Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel light when you're gone away//
THE END.