The Beginning Is The End Of The Beginning
By: spoiledsquish
Disclaimer: Not mine. If you don’t believe me, then watch Waiting In The Wings or A Hole In World for further indication that I don’t, nor never will, own them!
Author's Note: I was inspired to write this fic after seeing Amberina’s B/A video done to the song “Paradise” by Vanessa Carlton. This is a sad fic! On a side note, this fic does rotate to different character POV's. If it starts to confuse you, be aware that the chapter POV's go in order of the following: Buffy, Angel, Eve, Lorne, Gunn, Fred, Spike and then Wesley. Hope that will clear up any confusion anyone may have.
Distribution: My site, Seductive Web, PPA, Enchanting Place, Fanfiction.net, WTTS, PFYL, TEF, Sempiternal Beloved...If you host my fics regularly, feel free. If you don’t, just ask and most likely you shall receive.
Summary: This is the true story of the events that occured during the episode, "Life OF The Party".
Pairings: Buffy/Angel, Angel/Eve, Buffy/Spike friendship.
Rating: PG-13.
Spoilers: Everything up to Angel Promo of S5 Halloween Episode.
Dedication: To James Marsters, who renewed my love for him by going back to his Buffy S2 attitude.
Chapter 1: Paradise
~Los Angeles, California: November 1, 2003~
Life is never easy. I learned that a long time ago. I learned to deal with the pain and hide it so well that I was never prepared for the inevitable. Spike always told me to be alert and never let my guard down.
He was right. I can’t believe I just said that. Spike was right about something that I was never, could never be prepared for….
I came to L.A. yesterday to originally see Spike. I’d heard he was back from a not-so-reliable source and I was intent on seeing him.
He was my best friend and he died. It was something that never should have happened, and a part of me will never forgive myself for letting him die.
Anyway, I followed the A.I. group to some hotel, where Angel’s green demon friend, Lorne, was holding a party at. No one really noticed me and if Angel was able to sense me, he sure didn’t act like it.
I watched Angel and that girl, kissing, and no one seemed to be shocked. Spike just laughed it off and went about his drinking at the bar, Gunn was checking out some chick, and Wesley and that girl Fred were too engrossed with each other to even give a damn.
I watched as they disappeared into the shadows, not wanting to follow them. Who would? I’d already felt ashamed for macking it up with Spike a couple years back, and there was no telling what this was going to do to my head.
When the party was over, that’s when I confronted Spike. We embraced briefly, exchanged a few words, and found Angel’s coworkers.
No one knew where those two were at. We all went off in search. Wes, Spike and I were the first to locate them. They were on the floor of his office apartment, ‘getting some’ as Spike had put it directly.
I couldn’t even look at him. I ran out of there and refused to listen to any logical explanations. What could he possibly say that would’ve made it better?
He hasn’t come to find me yet. I don’t expect him to apologize. In fact, I expect the first words out of his mouth to be “I’m sorry”.
It’s the same old song and dance, really. Bad timing. I guess that maybe Angel and I were never meant to be together. Or maybe we were and that’s why it hurts so much.
I just--I don’t know anymore. When he first left me back in Sunnydale, I never actually expected him to follow through.
Then at Thanksgiving….Walking away from him after still remembering all that we had…it was and still is the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do.
I was never able to open myself up to any man after that. If I could have, I might have been able to love someone else. How could I, though, when my heart still belonged to him?
Knock, knock.
There it is. The not-so-inevitable knock at the door. I didn’t expect him to find me this soon. Give or take a day at least.
I answer it and find Wesley at my door. So not the face I was expecting to see but the next words out of his mouth tell me something I never thought I’d hear my ex-watcher say to me.
“Welcome home, Buffy.”
And I realized something for the first time. I really was home. Home is where your heart is, right?