Chapter 13: Deceptions Of Reality
“So, what did Angel have to say?” Gunn asked as Faith stepped into the waiting room.
“He’ll be here.” Faith nodded, shaking her head.
“I didn’t ask if he’d be here, I asked what he said.” Gunn grunted.
“Just some sibling stuff.” Faith spoke, shrugging it off. “We didn’t really have time to go all into “chat mode” when all I was privileged enough to hear was, “Faith, why the Hell did you go with no back up?” and “Faith, why the hell did you go somewhere that lying scumbag gave you a tip to?” In addition, I got a lot of vulgarities that I don’t wish to dispute with you. What did Wes and Fred say?”
“They’re on their way.” Gunn summed up for her. “They couldn’t believe it.”
“Good. You didn’t tell them about Willow, right?” Faith inquired.
“Not a word.” He shook his head.
“Good, I want them to hear it together.” Faith said, as Gunn put her hand in his.
“I just can’t believe Willow would ever get caught up in this madness.” Gunn shrugged. “Makes me wonder.”
“Wonder what?” Faith asked, staring deeply into his eyes.
“If you ever really know someone. I mean, you think that if you spend time with them, get to know them, and are with them in their darkest hour of need, you know them. But do you ever really know? We already saw what a deranged and fucked up person Cordelia is.” Gunn replied.
“Cordelia had been that for a long time coming.” Faith interrupted. “We all saw some indications of how manipulative she was, but no one ever imagined to that full extent. And if we did, we didn’t want to, or chose not to, believe it. I don’t think anyone would ever willingly choose to witness the worst in their friends, no matter how much that person means to them. And I always knew Cordelia had a thing for my brother, even when she was dating Xander, I’d catch the way she’d look at him and Buffy, but I didn’t perceive her to act upon her diabolical fantasies of making my brother hers forever.”
“But she did.” Gunn reminded her.
“Yes, she did. She tore my brother apart from being with my best friend. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was behind that car accident that killed my nephew, and almost killed his mother, my best friend, in the process.” Faith sighed. “I never thought I could hate someone as much as I hate her. I thought that maybe, Cordelia’s childhood fantasies of loving my brother would go away when she got older, but when I saw her there, standing in front of Angel, holding that gun to his forehead, I realized how much I wanted to kill her for hurting two of the people I love most in this world. I’ve never had a bad bone in my body; I never wished any ill will towards anyone, until she almost killed my brother. And I hate to sound like a cold, heartless bitch, but I hope someone in that cell does her in. She deserves the excruciating pain of all that she’s put all of us through, especially Buffy and Angel. And if Buffy doesn’t survive…Cordelia will pay.”
“Oh, Faith.” Gunn held his girlfriend in his arms. “I’m sorry you have to go through this, baby.”
“It’s not me you should be worried about.” Faith mumbled, pulling away from his embrace. “It’s Angel. We should be supportive right now.”
“Forgive me if I don’t care.” Gunn grunted.
“Gunn…” Faith scolded.
“No, I’m sorry, I know he’s your brother and all, Faith, but I can’t help feeling he’s partially responsible for this.” Gunn spat out.
“Gunn, my brother is kind of dense when it comes to anything regarding a woman.” Faith rolled her eyes. “He sees a pretty lady, and all thoughts fly out the window. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know he loves Buffy, but Angel wasn’t really ever one to think ill of the ladies. And Cordelia was sweet and kind in high school…to him, anyway. I think that if he and Buffy had never met, Cor would have gotten her wish. But he did meet Buffy, and Cordy was jealous of their relationship, and the turmoil spread from there…”
“I remember.” Gunn nodded.
“I know you do.” Faith smiled faintly. “You were there for the bulk of it. But Gunn, please be supportive towards him. I know he doesn’t deserve it, and I know you two aren’t on the best terms at this point, but do show some compassion towards him. He is still my brother.”
“Fine, only for you.” Gunn reluctantly agreed, and kissed her palm.
“Thank you.” She murmured as she pulled him closer.
***
“It’s so sad, isn’t it?” the brunette haired nurse murmured to her co-worker. “A sweet, young innocent girl like that, caught up in all this madness.”
“What happened to her, Miranda?” the blonde coworker asked.
“Dehydration, some head injuries, plus some bruises around her arms and legs.” Miranda replied. “Rumor has it that some psycho killer had her stuffed in a warehouse, all because of a guy. Supposed to be a looker, or so rumor has it.”
“Is the patient going to be okay?” the blonde questioned.
“I don’t know, Tara.” Miranda shook her head. “With all the lack of dehydration, if she survives, she’ll have a long road ahead. I don’t think she’ll ever get over the trauma of it, if what happened to her are really true.”
>“Does she have any family?” Tara asked.
“Just her friends waiting outside. She has a boy with the last name of O’Connor listed as her next of kin, which neither of the two that brought her in are.” Miranda explained, looking at her chart.
“Are you going to tell them?” Tara asked.
“You mean, burden them with the high possibility that she could pass on within the night? No. I don’t want them to remember their last moments with her in a hospital bed, with their friend lying there hooked up to all kinds of tubes. They deserve to see her, and then when and if that time comes, they deserve to say goodbye.” Miranda spoke, and walked away.
***
“We got here as fast as we could.” Fred spoke as she and Wesley arrived in the waiting room. “How is she?”
“I don’t know.” Faith said, hugging them both. “The doctors wouldn’t tell us. We’ve been waiting here, and they won’t tell us a fucking thing!”
“Baby, calm down.” Gunn suggested.
“Calm down?! No. That’s my best friend lying in there, Gunn! I’ve known her since we were babies. We grew up together, had playdates together, we shared the same damn table in preschool. So, don’t tell me to calm down. I have to be strong, you know? Who’s going to be strong here? Not the three of you, not my brother, God knows where the Hell he is at this point. I have to be the strong one, Gunn.” Faith yelled. “Excuse me, I need to get some air, find out how my best friend is doing.”
“Faith, wait a second, please!” Gunn started to run after her, but Fred blocked his path.
“Maybe you should just let her go, Gunn. She seems like she needs to do something to get her mind off things, and trying to be the dutiful boyfriend isn’t going to help things at this point.” Fred sighed. “So, just let her get some air, do whatever it is that she feels she needs to do. She’ll be back, and she’ll feel a whole lot better when she comes back knowing that you didn’t try to compromise her duties as the best friend who’s trying to keep herself composed for everyone, mainly herself. So, just leave her be, okay?”
Gunn didn’t say anything. He just glanced down at Fred sympathetically and then dumped himself into a nearby chair.
It was moments before either one of them spoke.
“I’m really just more worried about Buffy…” Gunn trailed off.
***
Faith shut the door silently and crept to the front of the room, kneeling down at the bench. She sighed and then closed her eyes.
“I know you and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, seems how I don’t believe in God and the afterlife, and all that garbage that comes with religion…” Faith cried. “And I know I haven’t always been the best person at expressing my thoughts and feelings, but I guess, now, I’m asking you for a favor…”
A figure watched Faith talk silently out loud. It looked like she was sobbing, begging, pleading, for someone to help her with her troubles.
“Please let my best friend, Buffy, live.” Faith continued. “She’s an honest, kind, and the most loving person I know. She doesn’t deserve what’s happened to her. She’s my best friend, and I need her. She’s the only person who’s ever been there for me, truly and faithfully, my brother excluded. She’s always seen the good in people, given them chances. Don’t let her die. Please don’t let her die! Please, send me a sign, tell me you’ve understand what I’ve said.”
“God works in mysterious ways, child.” a voice called to Faith from the back of the chapel.
“Who are you?” Faith turned around, tear stains evident on her cheeks.
“My name is Jocelyn. I’m a friend of God.” she said, moving closer towards the brunette.
“A friend of God? Please!” Faith stood up, and moved away.
“It’s true. I know you’ve been hurt, Faith.” Jocelyn whispered. “And I can tell you that God hears your plea. He listens to all his children, none more than others. He knows what is right, and he does what is needed.”
“Is my friend going to live?” Faith questioned her.
“That I do not know.” Jocelyn explained. “I know you must think I am a crazy old lady but I can tell you this. God does love you. He loves all his children equally, even when some of them become broken, and become unable to be saved.”
“What does this have to do with me?” Faith asked.
“God wants you to let go of your resentment, Faith.” Jocelyn continued. “He wants you to be who you are, learn to forgive people, even when they aren’t worthy.”
“So, you--he--want me to forgive Cordelia for what she did to all of us? No, I won’t do it! Not for him, not for anyone!” Faith argued.
“Anger is not becoming on you, dear. Your future is very bleak with it.” she sighed. “Even those not worthy of your forgiveness need to be forgiven. The world works in ironic ways, and even those unworthy need some semblance of hope to see with. You hold that hope, Faith. God believes in you.”
“Be that as it may, don’t let her actions run your life. Believe that, and you’ll see the good, embrace what trials and tribulations life has in store for you.” Jocelyn advised, moving back towards the door.
“Are you an angel?” Faith asked her.
“I’m just a wise woman, like you.” Jocelyn said, disappearing out of the chapel.
***
Angel moved quietly, swiftly, through the hospital interior. He passed by the waiting room, noticing the three figures all silent, just waiting, looking at the entrance every once in a while to see if any news was arriving.
When no one moved for several minutes, he moved swiftly past them, and continued his journey. He knew it was past visiting hours, but he didn’t give a damn whether he was seen or not.
He had to see her.
He knew what the nurses said, what the doctors had seen. They believed she wouldn’t survive the night. He knew that she was a strong as a fighter as she had been a lover, and that she would survive, and live each day with gracefulness and ease.
She was Buffy. His Buffy. She had to be okay. There wasn’t room for any exceptions.
When he reached her room, he made sure that no one saw him, and crept in silently. She was hooked up to various monitors, and he could hear all the “beeps” and humming coming from them.
Why did she need all these? Was she sicker than he’d overheard? Was she really going to die within the course of the night?
Why did she need something to help her learn to breathe? She was quite capable of breathing on her own, that he knew! Why did they have her hooked up to all the machinery when she was going to pull through? She needed none of those things, she just needed some good, and preferably long amounts, of rest.
He knelt down next to her still form. Why was it, after all these years, just the site of her beautiful face, still had him in knots?
Angel brought her hand to his mouth and kissed his palm. Why would anyone want to ever harm this beautiful goddess, his goddess?
He would always wonder why he left her, what made him do so. He regretted that fact, and he knew that if he were to still change time, that would be the first on his to do list. She believed him to have left because of the loss of their son, Michael.
Angel still grieved for him, to this day. He would have been going into kindergarten soon, if the accident hadn’t happened. Their son never got a chance to live, to breathe, to see all that life had to offer; he never would.
All because of a stupid argument that led Buffy to running off. He vaguely remembered it now. All he could think of at the time was seeing her all torn up, bruises and cuts everywhere from the crash. Those would heal, but the loss of their son would never be forgotten.
He knew some part of her still blamed him for Michael’s death. If he hadn’t yelled at her in the first place, then none of this would have happened. They would have kissed and made up, like so many other times, Michael would have been a joyous gift in their lives, and the three of them would have been a family.
Maybe it was fate. Maybe it wasn’t their time yet. Neither of them would ever know the answers to that. All Angel knew was that he wanted her, he always had, he always would.
He knew it was a moment of relapse with Cordelia. Why he ever let her near him was now a foreign memory to him. She had set out to the destroy them, and in the process, destroyed herself.
“Excuse me, sir…” Miranda said, stepping into the room. “You aren’t allowed to be in here. Visiting hours are over, and the patient is in critical condition. If something sets her off…”
“I’ll wait.” Angel said, not moving.
“Okay, then. Please say goodbye to the patient and wait out in the waiting room, with the rest of your friends.” Miranda said, escorting him out.
Miranda made sure Angel was in the waiting room before turning back to the nurses nearby.
“Who was that cutie?” Tara asked.
“That, my dear, is that boy with the last name of O’Connor, Ms. Summers next of kin.” Miranda remarked.
“How do you know?” Tara asked, excited.
“Trust me, a woman always knows.” Miranda sighed.
***
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Gunn seethed as he witnessed Angel walk into the room.
“You know exactly what I’m doing here.” Angel growled. “What made you think I wouldn’t be here?”
“How about the idiocy you have when it comes to my friend?” Gunn baited. “I hope she fucking kicks your ass when she wakes up.”
“If she wakes up.” Angel corrected.
“What the fuck are you spouting off now?” Gunn scoffed.
“I overheard the nurses.” Angel explained in his defense. “Buffy might not make it through the night.”
“That’s just not acceptable.” Faith spoke, walking into the room herself.
“Faith.” Angel stated, turning around to see her sister.
“Angel.” she nodded his presence. “What’s wrong with her?”
“I don’t know.” he shook his head.
“The doctors…they won’t tell us anything. Is she gonna die?” Faith questioned him.
“I really can’t answer that.” Angel shrugged. “She’s hooked up to a lot of machines, Faith. The nurses really aren’t expecting her to pull through.”
“This isn’t happening.” Faith groaned as she sat down. “After all these years…it finally comes down to this, this moment? When it takes life or death to see how much we all love each other? Buffy can’t die. She just can’t. She’s been in our lives…mostly all our lives since we were kids, and she can’t just up and walk out. No, she’s going to pull through this, I can feel it.”
“I don’t.” Gunn muttered.
“What?” Faith remarked, confused.
“I don’t think she’s going to make it.” At Faith’s bitterness look, Gunn continued. “I think it’s all time we come to the conclusion that there is a high possibility that Buffy won’t pull through this. She was left alone for several days, abandoned when Willow decided to kill herself. Who knows what this could have done to her mentally and physically. I’m not sure that she’s going to pull through this, and if she even does, who’s to say she’ll be okay?”
“I can’t believe you!” Faith slapped him. “You’re supposed to know that she’s gonna be okay. You’ve known her longer than me, being her neighbor and all and now you are giving up on her?! God, Charles! You’re supposed to be her friend, you’re supposed to believe she’s going to be okay, not go all macho on me just because you want to have a pissing contest with my brother.”
“That’s not what this is about, Faith!” Gunn argued.
“No? Isn’t it? You hate my brother for choosing Cordelia over Buffy, a fact I don’t dispute with you, but nonetheless even after you found out the reasoning and the motive, you still can’t let things go.” Faith commented. “Are you in love with my best friend, Gunn? Are you in love with Buffy?”
Gunn just looked to the floor, the guilt evident on his face. Faith sighed deeply.
“I see now. Suddenly, it’s all so clear.” she nodded. “How long?”
“Faith…” Gunn spoke.
“How long?!” Faith screamed at him.
“Since she came back to L.A. to live.” Gunn admitted. “I didn’t realize it…before.”
“Of course not.” Faith scoffed. “No wonder why you hate my brother. It’s all bright as day now. You were always second string compared to him, weren’t you? So what, you thought you’d finally get to be first in the asshole book by stealing his soulmate, my best friend and my brother’s ex, whom he still loves just as deeply as he did then, away from him? It would have sealed the deal, wouldn’t it, Gunn? Just one thing you’re forgetting to factor in here. Buffy doesn’t love you. How exactly were you going to pull that off? What, were you going to play the doting friend, the comfort zone when Cordelia got locked up? You are so mediocre, you know that?”
“It’s not like that, Faith. I didn’t realize that I…” Gunn trailed off.
“Get the fuck out of my site. The thought of you repulses me.” Faith stared at him with disgust. “And don’t come anywhere near me and mine again. Especially Buffy. You can’t make her fall in love with you, Gunn. How could she love you, not when she’s already in love? Now go.”
“I’m sorry, Faith.” Gunn apologized when he reached the doorway. “I truly am.”
“Just go.” Faith said, not turning around until she made sure he was gone.
“Are you okay?” Fred asked her.
“I’ll be fine.” Faith sighed. “Time heals old wounds, right?”
“So the saying goes.” Fred nodded.
“Faith, I…” Angel remarked.
“Shut up, just shut up.” Faith ordered him. “One word out of you, and I’ll make sure you suffer, just like him.”
***
The grass was so green this time of year, the stems still wet, fresh from the spring’s dew. She loved that moist, and not too humid feeling. It was that feeling that helped her realize summer was just around the corner.
Buffy herself found herself walking through the moistness of the stems, wanting to feel them rubbing below her feet. The flowers were still in bloom, the aroma flaring into her nostrils, as she moved closer to him.
She reached him momentarily, smiling as he set the book down, and welcomed her with open arms. She took his invitation, and started placing small open mouthed kisses along his jaw and collarbone.
“Buffy…” he murmured, obviously turned on by her actions.
“Sshh.” Buffy whispered to him. “No more talking. Just feel, for once.”
She moved lower, scraping her nails across his lower back. She licked a moist trail to his lower half, dipping her tongue sensuously in his navel. He tasted of a sweet musk, like aftershave and chocolate, or something to that effect.
She felt his erection through his jeans, as she slowly stripped them down. He didn’t wear any underwear, a fact which turned her on more, and she could feel the tingling moistness in her lower regions as proof of that.
Buffy eased him back into the chair, loving playing the vixen. It was always a game with him, often the dominating position being reversed. She was playing that role today, after all he had done, he deserved it.
She licked the base of the shaft, and felt the saltiness on her tongue. He tasted of a sweet sugar, and Buffy took him in, each time moving a litter farther into her mouth. He groaned in obvious ecstasy, his fingers weaving themselves through her tousled locks.
“Buffy…” he spoke in a soft whisper. “God, baby, you’re so good at that.”
That just made her delve deeper. His member was like an addiction, something she couldn’t keep to herself. She could feel him peaking, wanting to let go, wanting to come, but he was holding back.
She knew this game well. He was always afraid to come when she was sucking him, always wanting to come as they were joining together. Buffy wouldn’t let it happen this time. She wanted to be able to taste him for once, feel what he felt when he tasted her.
“God, baby, you better stop, I’m going to…” he moaned. “God, baby, I’m going to come…”
He spilt his seed into her mouth, as he groaned in pleasure. She drank him down, finally feeling a taste of what he felt. It tasted odd, at first. She was new to this form of pleasure, obviously.
As she continued her ministrations, she felt something more powerful than what his seed was giving her. They were connected now, by everything. They shared everything together; it wasn’t just about the sex, it was about coming together, joining as one. And now, Buffy was experiencing it.
Afterwards, she slithered upwards to rest her head on his chest, and he spooned her small form with his arms. She moved closer to him, not wanting to ever let him go.
“That was…” he sighed.
“I know.” she smirked. “Was I…was it good?”
“It was perfect, baby. You were perfect.” he spoke, kissing her forehead. “I love you. You know that, right?”
“I love you too, Gunn.” Buffy smiled in contentment. “I’ll always love you, only you, no one else.”