Chapter 7: Torment
~November 1, 2003~
Bloody Hell, I fucked up. I encouraged Peaches to do that Eve chick and then she walks in. ‘Course it didn’t help that I said “Good on you, mate.” The whole scene made me look like an ass, too.
Tried to comfort her after she ran out. Wouldn’t let me. She doesn’t want me. All she wants is him, someone that she can never have. Unless, of course, the bloke fufills the big prophecy ‘promising’ that if he behaves himself for a while, guy’ll get a heartbeat.
I kind of feel bad for them…actually, for her. I could give a fuck less about what Peaches wants or needs.
Pet wouldn’t even look at me after. I knew what her face would’ve held if she had. Disgust, hurt. Her big green eyes held nothing but resentment and betrayal after seeing what Captain Forehead did.
I hate him. I envy him. He has the one thing I have never known, will never know from her….He has her love.
She’s always loved him. All the time while we were doing it, all she thought about was him. Even when she came, whose name did she shout out? Angel’s.
I know she, in her heart of hearts, knew that he was being prodded about the possibility of romance with Cordelia. Honestly, the girl has a nice rack. He almost went for it, too, until she got to the higher level status and lapsed into a coma.
He came to Sunnydale that night for a reason. Did anyone honestly believe that he came to give her some damn amulet?
No. He came to tell her that he loved her, that he always will. Somehow, conversation never amounted to that and she told me that she loved me.
I could see it in her eyes, though. She loved me as a brother, someone who would always be there for her.
She’s right. I’ll always be there for her, no matter what. She was never mine, she was always his.
I’m letting her go. Maybe now I can finally find some peace in this Hell on earth. A part of me will always love her. She taught me how to live again.